Yes dear reader you heard correctly. Or rather, read correctly. Yes dear readers, I be the great McHaggis. The great McHaggis is a title given only unto deserving young men... (not women, that'd just be weird. Imagine walking into a woman and being nice ask her name. She says McHaggis. WHAT?)... deserving young men who deserve the title. Yes my friends, I shall share with you the story of how an average boy became, a man. And how an average man became the Great MC-FREAKING-HAGGIS!
Our story starts like any other. First!, dear reader, you have to imagine this being narrated in an Irish or Celtic related accent for max dramatic effect. Right then. It all starts with a lad by the nickname of Ass. This comes from a comical instance wherein his name was mispronounced. He journeyed with his compatriots, a couple of whom were named Wheels, Ishbob, Fatass, and Mr. Cong. They journeyed far in the yellow chariot of CRAB-ASS! the evil hag lady who shrieked commands at railroads and blurted un-needed remarks about wasps.
They traveled far, to the grand tournament of Speaking Wit and Dramatic Skill. They had all been qualified from previous, less important, tournaments. Ass was the master of Grand Humour and had great charm. Once there, they all prepared for a day of excitement (not really. they spent about sixteen hours sitting on their bony asses on hard seats) and readied for glory. Ass was a grandly humourous lad, and his kin came to watch and suppress their great mirth. But alas, Ass made it a step below glory. But Ass was a grand sport and shook hands with his conquerors.
On their long, arduous journey back to their homeland, they stopped by the horrid pub owned by a pedophile with makeup by the name of Ronald McDonald. They asked for his name, they asked the name of Ass! And then it was, Wheels rolled up to him, looked him in the eyes and said, "McHaggis you be." Ass nodded. He knew what needed to be done. They wrote on the scroll his new title. MCHAGGIS!
Huzzah, Huzzah, Huzzah! And thus, McHaggis recalls his ventures for you, just for you! Be honoured, few get such a chance. And so dear friends, I must be off. But just know, oh just you know! I will be here, just in case you need a good story. Oh yes dear reader, watch, wait, be entertained by...
The Great McHaggis
